Brent Barry signed to front office position for the San Antonio Spurs

Brent Barry is signing with the San Antonio Spurs to to shore up their front office depth this coming season, per Adrian Wojnarowski of ESPN.

They say when the night is quietest the Wojsplosions sound loudest. It’s true. They say that a lot, actually. You’d know that if you paid attention. Today’s ‘splosion comes in the shape of a 6’7″, 46 year old white man named Brent Barry.


Brent Barry, known to many as “Bones,” “Skeleton Man,” and “Femur Femur I’m a Lemur” for his concerning level of a attachment to Halloween decorations, will be joining the San Antonio Spurs this coming season as “Person in Front Office.”

Rumors that Barry insisted Kawhi Leonard be pushed out of town before he signed on are to be squashed on sight. It’s patently ridiculous. However, if no one is looking, you’re free to post about it on Twitter using one of your alternate accounts. It’s probably true, you see.

NBA fans may know Barry Bones as the funtime guest on TV shows like The Starters or podcasts like Fastbreak Breakfast. Alternatively, they might know him from his 14 years playing basketball in the NBA. He won a couple championships with these Spurs as well.

However, that doesn’t necessarily explain the hire. What will Barry be bringing to the front office? Two things: strength and style.

Here’s the strength:

And here’s the style:

Look at him go, striding with the confidence of a man who is wearing brown shoes and a tie to match. Now look at this one:

He’s working with a bit more scruff here. Pop often has a beard of some sort. I can see them coordinating facial hair. And finally, check this out:

Whoops, that’s Brent Spiner.

Anyways, this should probably turn out okay. If it doesn’t, they can just say they brought in Bones as a receptionist. No harm, no foul.

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