NBA

Kristaps Porzingis has a new terrifying Latvian credit card commercial


Kristaps Porzingis has a new credit card commercial. Do not watch it right before you go to bed.

Lots of talk was talked when Kristaps Porzingis missed his exit interview at the end of last season. This was a big deal to people who are no longer in charge of deciding what matters. Maybe he was upset with the team. Maybe he was so happy with the team that he felt it didn’t even need to be said. It’s hard to say.

There’s a third option on the table now. After Bob Hoskins filmed Who Framed Roger Rabbit, he reported suffering from hallucinations resulting from his time on set. Bob only had to contend with friendly children’s cartoons in his film. What Porzingis had to deal with was much more sinister. You’ve been warned. Now watch.

Ohhhhh noooooo.

After having that experience, who could blame Kristaps needing time away from someone else entirely out of touch with reality in Phil Jackson to be alone and recover? I’ve only watched this thing twice for a grand total of 60 human seconds, and I don’t even know if I’ll ever recover enough to put this obscene exhibition out of my mind. I think it’s burrowed it’s way in there next to my childhood experience with the “Icon of Sin” from Doom 2.

I think the honey (is that honey?) is the worst. The arm worm hand just shoves itself straight in there and shakes itself off like a mutant flesh dog. It then proceeds to coil around Kristaps’ torso and tousle his hair with harrowing familiarity.

Kristaps Porzingis is catatonic through this whole experience. His mouth is closed, but his eyes are screaming for help. His hair probably is too, but the hair is lost. Its property of the arm worm now. It’s been claimed.

Nice work, Visa. The Knicks’ record this year is your fault.

Is a good Latvian credit score worth trading in your sanity? That’s a question each individual has to answer, but no. The answer is no.



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